Thousands of hope
Myriads of expectations
Months of hard work
Days of planning
You weave your dream world in the sky
You live in the clouds
You play with the angels
Then one day the balloons burst
All dreams are gone
You fall on the harsh ground of reality
You feel the pain
You feel hurt
You feel the warm blood gushing out our face
You feel the pebbles pricking
Your mind gives up
Your heart does not want to go on
Slowly and silently
You get up
You pull yourself together
You have to go
You cant give up
How are you gonna face yourself???
You gotta do it for yourself
You have to try
You have to pull yourself together
You gotta WIN
The taste of victory is so sweet.....
Once again, just what I had not wanted to happen anymore!
I cant believe its happening to me again!
The same old cluttered mind, the same mixed emotions, the clash of egos, the fight of dilemmas, the sweetness, the bitterness, the excitement, the emptiness, the loneliness...its all coming back....
I hate it
I love it
It makes me sad
It makes me happy
Its a roller coaster ride!
What do u do when you have lots of stuffs bottled up inside you and you don’t know whom to tell all those????
You possibly cannot keep them bottled up because they make u sad; they make u feel hurt…
You need to put them aside else they wont let you be in peace, wont let you rest, they wont let you stop thinking about them….
So what do u do????
You blog! Especially if you have a blog which no one reads anymore since your last post was almost a year back and you really don’t want many people to read them…
Did I get myself through another year???
Oh yes, almost a year did pass by.
A year I spent fighting the memories of my past, not knowing the present and clueless about the future. A year where I tried fruitlessly to forget things but they only added to my misery, my sufferings. I tried to remain tough but a weak, careless moment always caught on me bringing back those haunting memories and breaking my shield. I tried hard to burn the scenes from my memory but the ash and smoke made my eyes go wet.
I can’t take this anymore. Its time to get over with this. Once and forever. I want to live everyday as if there is no tomorrow. I don’t want to live in my past. I want to forget everything. I had already turned on a new page a year back but kept turning back to the older pages but now I am going to stick to my new page. I am going to make use of every opportune moment that comes my way and I can’t stop for anything. I don’t want to be restrained by anything ever. Once again I am going to follow my motto…
‘Remember you are born to live. Don’t live cos you are born. Don't go the way life takes you..., take life the way you go!!!'
I am going to hurt a lot of people around this time, cant be my own good self anymore; its way too demanding. I can’t care about making people around me happy anymore; I am going to have everything my way. I cannot care less about how people going to feel, because I have learnt that it really does not matter, you got to live your own life, and in that journey you are just alone and lonely.
Long time indeed and perhaps the most happening year of my life...well not my life alone but most of my other contemporary friends. After a year, I am back with many differences in me,a year full of experiences in my kitty!!
The last year has added a whole new dimension to my life, it has opened up several new avenues for me. Firstly, the biggest transition of my life, the journey from school to college was accomplished!!!
The feeling of being self dependent!!!
The feeling of being a Man!!!
Well, being in college instills in us an amazing feeling and being in one of the best colleges in the region fills me up with a sense of pride. The lacking "female quotient" of the college being dissapointing is a kind of drawback but other prospects generously fill up the void.
College has brought me out of the "elite" class education system of estemeed schools of the city and put me amidst students from the various corners of the society.It has taught me what the society is, its not all about "elite" groups but about gelling well people of all types and becoming a part of them without making people aware of what your past is, good or bad, elite or middle class...irrespective of everything, we have become one...humans, the basic identity.
Well., my point of view might seem a bit snobbish to many people, but these feelings are right from the heart, exactly what i felt, blame it on my background or my narrow mindedness...i cant care less...
A new lot of friends, new ideas, new sentiments, new feelings, the old seeming more distant and springing up new differences...not that i detest the old but perhaps i have realised the greatest truth of life..."change is the only constant in life...".
The change of thoughts, the change of opinions, the growing maturity,the diversity in thinking and the overall gain in experience is what I have gained from the last one year and truly I couldnt have asked for more.
This post is meant for some special people who need to learn something...nothing personal described..as i said..it is quoted...
only to show the greatness of the original author..]
“You'll never know how you make me feel, for I'll never tell.
You'll never know that when I'm with you I'm transformed into someone
else, someone powerless who feels like she's drowning and can't save
herself from the lure of you.
I don’t know what that allure is that you possess, that affects me so. I
only know that the blood races through my veins, transporting some sort
of drug to my head, making me lightheaded but at peace.
When you take me in your arms, it's like I melt into you, all reason and
sense of time foregone until you leave.
Then I'm walking on air, your presence not so far away, the taste of
your kisses still on my lips.
Yet I know I wont be at peace for long, as your absence reminds me that this love is unreciprocated. I only pass through your thoughts, don’t consume them like you do mine. Sweet torture is not far away, the wave of nausea inside if you were to tell me that I was not what you needed. I would rather not hear those words, for I can pretend in delicious moments that you feel the same way and that your loving
caresses need no words to confirm that you love me wholly and
unconditionally, the way I do you.
Is it love I'm feeling, for what is love? Is it exclusive to those who have weathered the years and the turmoil together? Is it the safe togetherness two people acquire amidst a life of domesticity? Or is it simpler? Can someone completely take over your being in an instant and there is nothing you can do?
To me it is the knowledge that nothing you could do or say would relinquish this hold you have over me.
You have been scruffy and unkempt and it made me want you just the same.
Now that must be love.
Yet I know you can never feel this way about me. I know that as time goes by the pain will only get stronger, my defenses, already weak, become weaker.
Still, I'll never tell you.
I wonder if you already know.....””
P.S.: some parts of the quoted text have been ommitted for some undisclosed reasons...
They're all saying it these days --
in schools and colleges,
in parks and restaurants,
at workplaces and in bedrooms,
over the phone and through the e-mail.
They first say it as a declaration,
then as an assurance.
Even people who normally don't converse in English,
when it comes to expressing this primary emotion,
prefer 'I love you' to its vernacular equivalent.
Just as the way it happens in the movies:
the hero or the heroine will flirt in the regional language,
but the flirtation usually culminates
with the mouthing of the inevitable
'I love you.'
But when people say
'I love you' to each other,
what exactly do they mean?
That they want to get married?
That they find each other irresistible?
Or is it an ex-pression of affection or admiration?
Or an unstated agreement to have sex?
No one knows.
The answer is bound to be as
complicated as the definition of love.
But one thing is certain.
Ten years ago, when you said 'I love you',
no matter what you meant by that,
it was taken not only as a declaration
of love but also of commitment.
It was sacred as a vow.
And you usually said it only once in your lifetime --
to the person who eventually became your spouse.
And the pleasure of saying it was similar
to using a smuggled French perfume.
Today, you can get the same perfume
in the neighbourhood departmental store.
Similarly, 'I love you' is now a free commodity.
'I love you' no longer means
you are the only one I love.
It is only an ex-pression of feeling,"
"People are in a great hurry to fall in love.
Having an affair has become a status symbol,
especially on campuses.''
So today, people are falling in love
more often than ever before.
And not just with one person.
Today you might be in love with someone,
but you are free to walk out if the relationship is
stifling and fall in love with someone else.
Unlike the days of the past
when only death could do you apart.
Does that mean the present generation
is less sincere when it says 'I love you'?
I don't think so.
"They no longer say it to express a commitment.
I believe they mean it when they say it,"
Perhaps, with culture and tradition,
relationships have become flexible too.
Take the case of my friend journalist
who relocated in metro a year ago.
Friendless in a new city,
he took to the Internet chatrooms.
There he met Girl, 18, a student of College.
They fell in love even before they met;
and when they met,
a passionate affair began.
But in less than six months,
she was gone, after having
declared her love a million times.
"I think she grew out of the relationship.
But when she used to tell me 'I love you',
I could see she meant every bit of it,"
says my friend journalist,
who nursed a broken heart for a
while before moving on -- to other women, of course.
Today, both speak on the phone occasionally,
like "good friends."
Sounds like a filmi divorce story!
But that's how it happens these days,
except in films where the girl and
the boy fall in love and live happily ever after.
"Rarely do we see a love affair culminating in marriage.
Often we find that the victim of an
unsuccessful affair soon gets into another one,''
I view this casual attitude of today's youth as a dangerous trend.
"When one runs from one relationship to another,
it becomes a character trait,
Only to be continued in future,''
So where does this leave love?
My another friend said,
''The word love means nothing to me at the moment,"
"But I know when I meet my knight in shining armour,
Then it will have a lot of significance.
At this point in time, if someone said it to me,
I would not believe him."
The answer is simple --
'I love you' is no longer the smuggled French perfume.
Say it to any woman today and
She’s unlikely to be impressed
Instead, she's likely to turn back and ask:
"How many people you have said this to before?"
In any case,
no one falls in love with a
Tom, Dick or Harry these days
-- something that still happens in movies,
where a autorickshaw driver wins
the heart of a millionaire's daughter.
In real life,
it's among equals (something that
the strict father of the erring heroine
is looking for when pushing her
into a room and locking her up).
We see this as a natural phenomenon.
"By and large, we are drawn to people
Who are compatible,
Who we can relate to.
That's the in-built safety mechanism love has.
Unless it is an act of rebellion,"
So you fall in love with and marry
After that what?
"As long as you are in love minus the responsibilities,
you are crazy about it.
Once married, the colours start fading.
where is the time
for romance after you have a child?"
One women who, 17 years ago,
fought with her parents
and threatened them with dire consequences
if they objected to her marrying the man of her choice.
"Now when I think of all those things,
it seems so crazy,'' she says.
Is it really worth falling in love?
For that, we have to first define love.
And that's not as easy as saying,
I love you.
Something which makes no sense to most people..yet a very sensible thing if you really understand its essence...dont know how to explain but still its worth a try...
To put it in simple mathematical terms..the greatest difference is between '0' and '1'...and certainly not between any other randomly picked whole numbers. This may sound pretty weird to normal senses as the difference between '0' and '1' is only a mere 'unity' but this unity itself matters more than any other magnitude you coin up...it is different than the difference between '3' and '4' or may be '56' and '57'..its certainly different because its the difference between 'nothing' and 'something'; the difference between 'void' and 'filled'..its more than anything else..its a new entity itself..this very special difference of 'unity'.
If i try to explain..i will be perhaps undertaking the most difficult job that one can ever do...for its a strange idea but if we try and relate it to some of the most interesting things in life..i guess we will get hold of it...
[EXCUSE MY PERVERT SENSES PLEASE]
What is the only difference between a virgin and a non-virgin???
Its the first time encounter with that god-damned three lettered word...a pleasure for which most people are living on this world...
aint it??? Well..thinking properly..its the first time that really matters...if you havent had any experiences that is you are at "0" count, you are a virgin..but if its not "0", you arent.. u actually lose your virginity in the very first time itself..after that it hardly matters whether its 1 or 100..its really the first time that matters most i.e. the difference between '0' and '1' experience(s), which gives you a complete new dimension, a new word to describe yourself..this difference is the one i am scribbling all about...
if it sounds crap to anyone i cant help...help yourself..
Thats all...as i said...excuse my pervert senses..but the example was important to get the message through...hope you dont mind..no offence intended...
Chew upon it...relate it to yourselves..n lemme know...